Doorways Traveler
Doorways Traveler

in my head this morning.

they come to me, lines, meetings of different.

like champagne vinegar in holy water,
or a spray of roses in a thicket.

lone lost lovely

a friend told me of her fondness for bible dipping in the dictionary.

i am reminded of how we all seek guidance, how sometimes
flipping a page and
choosing a word
can mean the difference between
dark corners and decision.

freedom and farce are exactly the same thing, depending on the angle of the sun.

from sinew to sunflowers, in
walls or in the world, under
blood moons and opinion

god, holy and hazed, a tremor in
my chest,
no matter if i sit,
or float.

There is one ray of
light, then more. I open the
door, take one more breath,
and begin another day.
~Dana Faulds

Categories: other

Doorways Traveler

prayer from the liminal space.

surrender me like a Sufi, a dervish in the desert.

careless of consequence, show me my path,
my greatest service in the time becoming.

i want burning bliss,
loud with tablas and tambourines, rebellion and rapture.

and sated sanctity, filled with a silence
that deafens the most foreboding of fears.

open me to what is next, show me the grandeur of this threshold.

help me to risk the touching, the torture of transforming.

lift me from wonder and into awe,
seat me with devotion.

there is tension at this crossing, chaos in my cells.

i am winded, unsure,
and willing.

Who is not afraid of pure space–that breathtaking empty space of an open door? But despite fear, one goes through to the room beyond.

~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Categories: other

Doorways Traveler

on that which lasts.

i sat with the seers and the seen this week. women whose paths have converged by way of red thread and willingness.

we spoke of my love for the word “poignant,” and how there are so few words that can hold the beauty of paradox. i’ve always been pulled toward the juncture of things–where rivers meet sea, east meets west, and the moon eclipses the sun. maybe it is because i am at home in the totality of experience. i don’t know how to be any other way. i can’t separate me from you, us from them, here from there.

and now it makes more sense than ever before: that which lasts is the momentary convergence of now and then. when we can validate what was and embrace what now is, we are then free create something beautifully impermanent together.

beauty of that magnitude is like a star that explodes in the night sky. we can wait for it, or it can catch us by surprise. either way,  it wraps our heart in brilliant light, leaves a trail of glowing particles in its wake, and fades into the darkness.

only then, can possibility renew.

Eventually monkey mind’s concern with survival transforms. You finally hold the jewels. You rule now. Monkey mind becomes the guardian at your gate. She’s not a squawker anymore. She pays silent vigil, has joined your forces. But you won’t recognize her right away. Your armor now is compassion, your defense, love. The jewels are in your hands. No one else’s.
~Natalie Goldberg, from Old Friend from Far Away

Categories: other

Doorways Traveler

letting go.

often now, i really do feel whole. embodied. well.
i can own the innate, the wisdom, the sacred self. i can close my eyes and feel the vast expanse and my part in it. i know that i have something to offer, to inspire and to teach. i love well and feel that love returned.

and then, like a freight train on schedule, comes the tiger chase: the anxious clench, the foreboading, the alone, the separate, the too-much, the not-enough, the hurt, the rejected, the betrayed, the uninvited, the unhealed, the un-fixable. the vulnerable and ashamed, grasping for sweetness and comfort.

and close behind the tiger are the thoughts: the ones that nag sucker-punched, left behind, misshapen, unsightly, unsophisticated, fraud, weak, addicted, powerless.

the tiger and the thoughts have historically lead me to one place: defeat and discomfort in my body and disconnected from my spirit.

i have spent much of my inner life allowing the tiger and the thoughts to render me demoralized and lost, clinging to long-ago established habits of soothing and hiding, and stuck on the wheel of purgatory. and while i don’t believe it realistic that the tiger nor the thoughts will ever completely leave, i am beginning to tentatively assert that i can finally let go of the power i have handed over to these forces. i am ready to let go of the story that says i will always be broken.

over the past couple of years, i’ve come to know the chemical imbalances in my brain and body that feed the tiger and the thoughts. i am making  peace with cortisol, serotonin, and progesterone. what has been difficult to believe, is that i can truly feel alive and well in the way that i long to. i have been overwhelmed by the advice and methods and treatment plans and diets and medications offered, to the point of feeling, again, defeated. today, i feel like i am tapping into my own wisdom and beginning to trust that i, alone, can discern what path to take toward restoring balance in my mind and body. more than that, i am coming to know a trust in myself , a loving and compassionate trust, for perhaps the first time in my life. while this faith in myself to be the healer of my own body is cautious and not yet fully rooted, i am hopeful and strengthened in a way that i perhaps have never been before.

i believe that i can deeply nourish and heal my body into a form that feels strong, vital, beautiful and sustainable.

i believe that i deserve to be the full expression of who i am.

i believe in and wish to fuel the fire in my belly, my heart, and at the base of my spine–connecting me to my loves, my community, my calling, my teaching, my true.

Know, oh beloved, that we were not created in jest or at random, but marvelously made for some great end.



This post is part of the Let it Go Project: a collection of stories leading up to a beautiful releasing ritual, hosted by Sas Petherick on the 30th of January. All the details for this free event are here. And you can take part! Be inspired by other posts in this project, and share what you are ready to let of of on the Let it Go Project Community Page!

Categories: other

Doorways Traveler
Doorways Traveler