self portrait, april 2009, canon rebel xti

so yesterday was one of those days that travels through a tangle of knots and winds up loose and surprisingly full of possibility. it started with an appetite suppressing surge of stress (spurred on by particularly revealing cobwebby basement yuckiness).  i completely checked out and sat numbly clicking around on my computer, unable and unwilling (meaning, i didn't have the will) to do anything else. around 11:30 i was able to produce yesterday's post and promptly left the house, resolved that i had conquered one, complexly simple, task. i took the camera and headed for the bluffs, thinking a little nature and perspective was in order. i'd given up on hard core exercise and left the ugg boots on, resigning to no agenda, gentleness and comfort and all that. when i arrived at the bluffs, being the data info addict that i am, i checked my email on my phone one last time. and there was a simple supportive comment from gypsy alex. now, last fall, when i first lay eyes on this realm of blogging women artists, and began to work my way through the lovely connected web that's been woven here,  it was this post on the gypsy girl's guide that spoke very loudly to me. i sent it to a friend. i read it over and over. it was what i needed to hear in the moment of the day that i first read it. i see no point in reiterating it, just read it for yourself and you'll know what i mean. 

so, needless to say, to be up and running, putting myself out there and receiving confirmation from this lovely woman was so connecting and encouraging. it was the shout out from the universe that i was asking for. confirmation that i'm heading in the right direction. coming into focus. 

and then the ideas started coming. really good ideas that make perfect sense. challenging and interesting and CONNECTING ideas. ideas that bring into play all the things i seek….the travel, the beauty, the CONNECTION. a way to start now. a vessel to channel it all into that's not limiting but gives me some much needed structure. oh, it's all coming into focus! the ME, the WHAT, the TRUST. not ready to suss it all out here yet, but it's coming.  most importantly, i believe in it. and my heart agrees.

to top it off, a couple of dear ones came over in the evening for the maiden voyage of our new writing group. we drank wine, ate delicious earth-grown food and shared our common desires to manifest and speak our truths. to bump it up a level. and get some encouragement as we do it a little differently this time. there were gems and poignancies all around and that comfortable easy way that women listen and really see one another. i am so grateful to share in the process as these two lovelies come deeper into focus, too. i'll be promoting them.

so much ahead…

to the thing that is right in front of me, offering me the means to GET IT OUT. the means of capturing, containing (and setting free) these things i see and experience. the agonizingly beautiful images, the in-betweens of life, that i harbor safely inside and get lost in. hold myself up against and often feel separate from. in the claiming of these things, the practice of uniting self and other, i will take pictures. i will sometimes leave them raw and i reserve the right to manipulate them until they speak my truth. the truth of what i see. i'm giving it up…the question of what should i be doing. and doing the thing that is right in front of me.  for now. 

flying into santa barbara, april 2009, canon rebel xti

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