self portrait in reflection, canon rebel xti, may 2009

it is so easy to recognize the places that we need to work on. the soft spots, where the skin and muscles are stretched and vulnerable. or the bones haven't quite fused yet. we know these parts because they are tender, bruise easily and take consciousness to be protected. they limit our risk taking and define beliefs about our abilities. but perhaps there is something to be said about the inverse. that our weaknesses may, in fact, be our strengths. those things that work against us may just be our tickets to freedom.

i'm still working this out, but it's starting to really make sense. you see, i am an observer. a thinker. and, oh god, a feeler. much more than i really care to admit. because if i do, then i will have to confess to the unbelievable amount of energy i have spent, given away, to taking on the physical manifestations of so much feeling, thinking and observing. so much calculating, caring, investing in perceptions. having a spiritual practice has helped tremendously, but, as they say, it's practice. and karma is karma. our work is our work. we all have our own brand of suffering. internal, external, horizontal or vertical. it's ours, it's mine, and we work with it. what's changing for me is that i am claiming my right to spin my perceptions around and utilize these suffering skills to my advantage. appreciate the gifts and let these gifts guide my work in the world. and i'm getting mighty excited about it. i am crafting a life from the heart and center of my thinking, feeling and observing self. recognizing a skill set and not a burden. letting these over-driven ways of being become useful companions, and, hopefully bring some peace, love and joy in the process.

 i know this isn't rocket science (that's the thinker talking, wondering if you are responding with a "duh!").  it's like i've known this all along. and now i KNOW it. you know?

i feel some serious mojo coming on.