archive: May, 2009

demons and doorways.

photo taken in ubud, bali, august 2008, by my 8 year old son.

it is well accepted that out of the tough stuff comes the growth. triumph over adversity, phoenixes rising and opportunity in despair. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. we all know that every detail in our journey, but particularly the moments that knock us to our knees, play largely into the makeup of who we are. of course, for this to happen, there must be a moment of recognition and choosing for the darkness to seep into light. at the very least a small acknowledgement of our will to survive and feel good again. a wanting to be better. a seeing of the crack in the door, even if it's a very long time before we step through. because, if there isn't, there is always the possibility for the wounding to shroud a darkness nearly impenetrable.

so this all clearly applies to the big stuff: life, death and unthinkables. but what i'm getting to right now, in myself, is a more subtle tangent of these same thoughts. smaller, less obvious, more internal adversities, but perhaps no less powerful–our everyday demons–and how there are countless moments in each day to choose to turn the demons into doorways. my demons are not all that unique. other than the fact that they are mine and like to stay close, they act out in ways i'm sure aren't that different from what yours do. mine do things like twist my guts inside out, surge the color green all over everything, tell me i'm not worthy in all kinds of knowing personal ways that are really mean. they shout out my weaknesses and diminish my potential.

in all this basement stuff (i'm trying to come up with a new metaphor, but for consistency sake, i'll stick with this one), i'm beginning to see the opportunities in the confrontations i have with my demons. how when i am present enough to recognize their manifestations for what they really are, something great just might come. because what these manifestations really are are doorways back to my passions. because things don't hurt, jealousies don't arise and core-chakra backflips don't happen when we don't CARE. it's precisely because we do, because we see our relationship to the things that trigger the demons to taunt, that they have such power over us. and there is fear and confusion and all kinds of stirrings that happen when we are up against the edge of passion.

hmmmm. that's as far as i can go on that right now. it's all getting a little heady. i think you follow, yes?

from the heart: i am humbled, grateful and full of love for the incredible gifts this blog has already brought. two months today! swirly girl, reading your book brought forth a lot in me. i related. the demons got to working on me. but i found the doorway. and behind it there is my own passion for telling my story, in words and pictures. and in my story are the stories of people like you, who are also walking the tightrope of demons and doorways and traveling their way toward beauty and connection. thank you for promoting me today. i, in turn, look forward to promoting you and the many others who have kicked my ass and made me bust through the doorway to better. that's really the point, right?

if you don't already own this book. click on it and proceed to buy it. very simple.