archive: August, 2009
ok. so i gave the whole vlog thing a go. inspired by susannah, marisa, christine, denise and stacy (among others). i'm thinking i set the bar pretty low should i ever do this again. perhaps some lipstick next time (or at least some lip balm?)?contact lenses? better wardrobe? (this was the "drop-off-the-kids-and-go-to-yoga" ensemble) there is a yoga tank there. i am covered. enough self-deprecating? am i embarrassed? hell yes. do i want to do it anyway? why not. this whole journey is about being real. and this is, i assure you, real.
whirling fragments of me. mac photobooth (my son pushed the button). august 2009
i'm feeling the urge to hide today. maybe because it's the first time i've been alone in my house for as long as i can remember. it feels like summer has already lasted an eternity and, while it has been full of many moments to be grateful for, this summer has also been a whirlwind of energy expediture. i don't think i've put enough restorative fuel in.
so as i sit here in my quiet home, the air heavy and noontime thick, i am feeling the urge to close my eyes. or stare at the curtains moving almost imperceptibly with a slight breeze. maybe from my breath? i can feel the vibration of the morning buzz from a few hours ago– egg scrambling and watermelon slicing, fresh towels from the dryer, klean kantines and sunscreen prepped for the the kids' camp bags. reminders to pay bills, remember the dentist appointment and pick up dry cleaning. it's like all that momentum is whirling around in here, maybe also looking for a little stillness, somewhere to settle.
so much of what i've asked for is coming to me. love. beauty. travel. opportunity. i think i need this moment to integrate it all. i need a layover to step off the speeding train and take a rest on the platform, to look around and look within. to reassemble the fragments and expand. i know i use the concept of expansion often. but it's the one that keeps coming up. this is a time of stretching and taking new form. there's newness and discomfort. some ego and some divinity. i know there is vastness within me and all around me. there's plenty of shakti to go around. i just need a few more hours like this one to soften my gaze, do nothing, and loosen my grip on the details.
there is time for this. there is always time for this.
Wow. I'm grinning from ear to ear. Flushed and exited. Maybe a little nervous. Where do I start??!!
First of all, I'd like to tell you how thrilled I am to be receiving this award. I mean, of all the people who could have been chosen, I get to behold this day? I get to RUN for an hour by the ocean? I get to live this beautiful life?
Oh, wow. I have so many to thank. Please bear with me. And hold that "wrap it up" music, Mr. Orchestra Man.
I'd like start by thanking my feet, all those little metatarsals and ligaments, for remembering how to tread lightly and carry me briskly down the path. It's been a while. And you were so supportive.
And none of this would have been possible without my heart, my lungs, my muscles and bones. Thanks, team, for working together to make this body go.
And then, of course, there's the shuffle on my ipod (specifically, a shout-out to Marvin Gaye, Sheryl Crowe and Carla Bruni–hey, it's shuffle) for setting the perfect pace and soundtrack for the feast my eyes beheld today.
And then there was the beautiful bride, with the twisted strawberry blonde braid and the pookah shells. How pretty and fresh you looked. And that big kahuna of a new husband too. You seemed so present and so happy. Your family adores you. What a gift to breeze by you.
And how can I forget the sun? And the clouds? And that perfect ocean breeze? The sparkles on the water? The bright colored umbrellas? The smell of sunscreen and pancakes? I know, it sounds so corny. But it was REAL! Thank you! Thank you!
Shout outs to the little boy with the chocolate orbs for eyes who showed me his dimple. And the lovely grey haired woman in a sarong, with the swish in her hips and the spring in her step, who winked at me.
To the shirtless virile gang playing hacky-sack on the grass under the palm trees who gave me the thumbs-up: right back at ya!
To the bumbling tourists meadering dangerously in those ridiculous surreys along the waterfront: thanks for the reminder that my home is a destination.
To my family, thank you for understanding how important my alone time is. How it makes me better.
To the Universe: thank you for the countless blessings in my life. The reminders that it's all going to be ok.
I wholeheartedly accept this award. This afternoon. This day. This precious life. I will do my best to treasure it. Always.
Thank you all. Thank you ALL so much.