10 February, 2010
come out when you are ready.
window on flanders road, london. january 2010
it's coming up often this week. freshly out of a bout of a it myself, i am hearing the malaise of several of my beloved friends. feelings of self-sabotage. the shame that comes with the greediness of insecurity. the dark clouds that suck the soul and send us deeper under the rock. vitality lost and that sense that we are selfishly robbing the world of our gifts, our service, our compassion. or, worse yet, that we have nothing that great to offer anyway. the boredom with ourselves, our stories, the loops and tangles that repeat.
honestly, i'm not that interested in people who don't confess to their shadows. so i am nothing but proud of these women for being willing to admit that they are wearing "the heavy gray coat" (as one so perfectly put it). and the more and more clear i become, the more i am aware that the choice in these times is in our consciousness. in discerning illusion from the truth. and in being kind to ourselves for as long as it takes to tell one from the other. (the kindness part is hardest of all)
stripped of the shame and feelings of being a pathetic loser, the funk is a doorway. and that doorway just might lead to transcendence.
and so what if we have to sit with the blah a thousand times until we are so OVER ourselves that we actually walk through.
what if that is just fine and exactly the way it is supposed to be?
the women i love who are expressing these murky self-doubting spells are dynamic, powerful, brilliant and all that. they make me feel worth it just to share a room with them. and so, as i step out into the sunshine today, i guess all i really want to do is send a little message their way that i hereby grant permission to stay in it as long as you like. wrap it around you, serve it tea, tell it dirty jokes, sob with it, tell it to fuck off. be loud with it, silent in it, embrace it and let it go.
but while you are there, do take a little look around and see that you are so much more than this moment. just pay attention. offer some loving care to yourself in a way that makes you feel valuable. whatever that is. i know you know.
and remember, i'll be right here, waiting beside the rock, for whenever you are ready to come out.
take your time.
it's ok.
really.
(and when i climb back under, and i most certainly will, you can go ahead and remind me of all this)
10 February, 2010
ohh how lovely and awesome this is– there is much to mine in the dark ooze that can suck us down– I love how wise you are to a) name it b) allow it that this is all part of growing conscious and an unavoidable part of being creative i.e. self-expression . . thanks for your beauty
10 February, 2010
oh lisa, your post made me giggle out loud, and well up with tears.
i love you.
xo
10 February, 2010
yes, yes, yes. we place so much value on the bright sun, we sometimes talk and act as thought we should all be in that sun all the time. yet we know we need the rain, the clouds and the shadow. we know we need the dark nights to let everything rest. we know that we need fallow times, times to let the seeds lie in readiness for the spring. we need all these seasons of life. thank you for having the wisdom to remind us all of this, and yes – i will return the favour if ever that time comes.
10 February, 2010
still remembering 2am wisdom whispered and shared xxoo
10 February, 2010
thank you my friend.
i’m crying too.
I love you.
xo
10 February, 2010
Thank you for this.
10 February, 2010
I think I’ll stay under a little longer, thank you for not minding….
10 February, 2010
Oh! I love this! Thanks for the permission…this is so important. Yes, it’s really about embracing ALL of it.
Below are some words written by Pema Chodron in her book “When Things Fall Apart.” There is so much wisdom in this book.
“When we feel lonely, when we feel hopeless, what we want to do is move to the right or the left. We don’t want to sit and feel what we feel. We don’t want to go through the detox. Yet the middle way encourages us to do just that. It encourages us to awaken the bravery that exists in everyone without exception, including you and me.” Pema Chodron
10 February, 2010
I am de-lurking at last because I feel I need to say something to all the BBCers:
I read all of your words and see your incredible creativity shining out my little MacBook screen every time you post (I just never comment because I am terrified of seeming like a loser/stalker/utter dickhead.)
But I want you to know that each and every single one of you inspires me to live my best life. I treasure you because of your willingness to embrace your shadows, rather than succumbing to the ease of sharing only the nicey-nice.
You are wonderful. Be gentle with yourselves x x
10 February, 2010
you are so much more than this moment…what a wonderful reminder to always move forward and not dwell for too long in one space.
11 February, 2010
I miss you lovely lady.
And because sometimes you need a Muppet – here’s beaker visually depicting the moment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAtBki0PsC0
xxx
11 February, 2010
thanks love, i find this process of death/re-birth happens for me a lot.
i die to something that no longer serves me, opening me up to greater and greater things.
each uncovering of a new layer may not leave me physically lighter, though a weight is definitely lifted from me.
today, once again, i step out into the light. trusting myself to know when the next time of dark soul conversation needs to occur.
i love you
x
11 February, 2010
THANK YOU. I have been feeling something like this heavy gravy coat you mentioned. I never would have thought to put it down in such greasy, uncomfortable, and smelly terms – but yeah the discomfort part is so real. I have been drawn to your blog because of your braveness, creativity, and sense of adventure. I felt that if I have none of the above at least I can live vicariously through,you, the person I am seeing in action. Your words are so descriptive and hit my soul so perfectly as if you are residing inside my mind and reading my very own thoughts. All along I thought I was the only one that had these feelings of not having what it takes or the act of being interesting enough for people to want to be around me. Thank you for giving me permission to sit and heal.
11 February, 2010
The unimaginable power in hearing ‘I give you permission’!! Because so many times we/I can’t give it to ourselves/myself.
11 February, 2010
you are golden. i thank my lucky stars every day for having women like you in my life. women that mirror my inner feelings and leave me feeling less alone, more full… time and time again. i love you. xo
13 February, 2010
Discerning illusion from the truth WOW
that sums it all up for me
what relief it can bring when you realize
xoxoxoxo
15 February, 2010
You amaze me.
’nuff said.
17 February, 2010
a beautiful post ~ this is where life found me last week. those reminders to just be with the feeling are so vital… i always think i will remember, but i never do!
nice to re-discover your blog.