quietly. paicho, gulu, uganda. april 2010. CAFWA

sometimes we can make big loud overtures to our pain. belt out songs about our suffering. paint our darkness and write eulogies to our grief.

but, other times, circumstance requires discretion, self-soothing, and silence.

neither is right, i am learning. there is time and space for both. even in the course of a single day.

what i hope, for myself and for you, is that when the time comes to be held, to have that song heard and that ache understood, that we will continue to show up for one another. with or without words, or in whispers of forgotten languages, we will be with one another.

can we promise each other that?

portrait by my daughter. rare for me to be seen and not aware. i miss her. she comes home from bolivia on thursday.

what i cannot control:

my fears.

your fears.

my ghosts.

your ghosts.

my hunger.

your hunger.

my perception.

your perception.

what i can control:

absolutely nothing.

(and i can LOVE, like really big)

ps. thank you for the warm welcome, everyone. loving my new home.

beauty in paicho. gulu, uganda. april 2010.

so this is my new online home. amazing how it feels like so much more than just a website. creating this space has been quite a process of claiming words, images, truths and visions. it feels good. and i know i would never have been able to put myself out there had it not been for the women i’ve met in my travels over the past year–travels afar and travels deep within myself. my insides are all over this site. my work in the world more clear than ever. and i am ready to live fully out loud.

take a look around–there is much to see. the ever patient and talented jo klima of the darling tree has done an incredible job of reading my mind and coding my dream.

in celebration of the occasion, i’ve made a little video with bits of the limited footage that i took in both india and uganda. it is filled with some of the behind the scenes beauty and connection i experienced and is dedicated to the women featured; those who have welcomed me into their homes and shown me doorways into their lives, and into my own heart, that have lead me to this moment. to know these women better, please visit the doorways project page (link above).

enjoy. remember how much love and beauty there REALLY is in the world. it is ours for the sharing. we all benefit from our mutual well being.

and right now i am banking on that faith.

throwing my hands up and hollering: i am here! welcome! i love you! dance with me!

betty. gulu, uganda. april 2010.

it is a constant practice of re-frame. focus. shift.

i pull the inverse, from fear to bravery, and back again. fast as the shutter on my camera.

so bravery feels like this? like swallowing gulps of air and folding inward while moving forward?

the voices in my head are pretty damn loud. the softness of my flesh still holding the things too heavy to confront.

loving in that kind of way that is electric and disrupts rhythm.

i am a thousand times alive. writing in metaphors, but living 100% real.

(my new site is coming very soon. like next week soon! i think i just may have written the last you'll see in this old space. i've lived in a lot of homes in my life and, i assure you, that this new online home suits me like none other has before.  can't wait to share it with you.)