august break. alone.
michelle, butterfly beach. august 2010.
i find myself alone now more than ever before in my life. sometimes it is lonely. sometimes i want to rant and scream and call everyone i know at once. sometimes there just isn’t much to say. sometimes i have to force myself out the door. or to my altar. sometimes the time goes so quickly that i am shocked, like how the right conversation can carry on effortlessly through the sleep hours. i take long showers and i let the water scald my back as i watch the rivulets on the tile change directions with the touch of my fingertip. i follow the moth as it sacrifices life for the light, over and over again. i get lost in books and i think a lot. and then i try to move beyond the thoughts. once i even ran fast circles around my yard in the late starlight, tripping on oak roots as my bare feet became numb from the cold muddy grass. mostly, i just toss myself into the waves: the hot tears, the euphoria, the hollow expanses, the hummingbird flutters, the new, and the aged. there is accuracy in all of it. stillness, even. as if there is no place else to be.
- good morning. http://t.co/C2jqjKSR
10 hours ago - loved meeting David Eagleman tonight. Fascinating and dynamic thinker and speaker. #Incognito
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30 August, 2010
so beautiful. I have enjoyed all of your posts, this one in particular speaks to me. Being alone is so brave. It is scary and so tempting. Thank you.
30 August, 2010
your loneliness is temporary……….enjoy it…….you wont b alone forever!
so enjoy the hummingbirds and the drama……..let it feed your soul.
i feel your loneliness too…. and it inspires me that u r brave enough to be just that.
xo
lisa replied:
thanks, eileen. it is all temporary…and not all of it is loneliness. an adventure in being alone is what it is.
31 August, 2010
i feel you honey. and i know you are alone. yet you are also not. because i am here. and your other friends are too… only ever an email or phone call away.
there are things we must do alone, learn alone, speak of to ourselves alone. i just want you to remember that you are loved as you feel all of it and are living in it.
p.s. michelle really does get it. i feel it from here. please hug each other from me, okay?
lisa replied:
i do remember and, yes, she does get it. so grateful for the ones that see.
31 August, 2010
It is true every moment of our lives: There is no place else to be.
31 August, 2010
I love this photo and you write beautifully. One thing I’ve never done, that I’ve always wanted to do, is to live alone. No roommates. No boyfriend/husband/partner. Just me…and my cats (gotta have them!). I’ve spent a lot of time alone in the past and found large amounts of healing, creative inspiration, and personal growth. Unfortunately I don’t see myself living alone for quite some time, years even. Enjoy the time while it lasts and see what new things you can learn about yourself.
Thank you for sharing!
lisa replied:
thank you for showing up. xx
31 August, 2010
it’s funny, because i am in the opposite space- with two little ones, i even go to the bathroom with someone else most of the time! i try to honor where i am, but i can’t help but dream of the future when they are both in school… thanks for the reminder to be present with what “is”! xo
31 August, 2010
you capture the bitter-sweetness of it all so perfectly. xxx
31 August, 2010
I wonder why it’s so easy to forget that we’re all connected? To feel separate… When really we’re all the same stuff… Thanks for your words and your eyes and the rest of you. Something about them, I guess the word accuracy, reminded me of this song…
http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/brighteyes/ibelieveinsymmetry.html
I highly suggest “youtubing” it too
lisa replied:
you are indeed made of star-stuff. i’m so grateful to be in your galaxy. thanks for the song-i love bright eyes.
31 August, 2010
i once saw an interview with EG where she said she wrote eat.pray.love as a word ladder to help her out of the loneliness she was feeling. you are building the most beautiful word ladder of your moments that is a gift to all of us who are lucky enough to find you and circle you. you are capturing all of your moments with grace, rawness and absolute awareness. there is no other place for you to be right now.
31 August, 2010
Funny you posted this. Just before clicking over here I was wallowing in a mood. Just treading around in it allowing it to colour my day. I suppose alone is how I felt.
Feel.
But your words make it okay. Thank you for that.
When life hands us so much heavy weight to bear sometimes “alone” is the answer the Universe provides so that we can regain the strength we need to lift ourselves up again.
You know that song from tv…I think it is “The Hills” although I’ve never watched it…
they played it this morning on the radio and I smiled, it was so inspiring. I truly had never really listened to it before, but one of the lyrics is, “Today is where your book begins; the rest is still unwritten.”
I think that applies to us lonely folk.
xoxo
31 August, 2010
Breathtaking photograph and lovely and relatable post. Found you while browsing through the August Break bloglist. I will have to stop by again.
2 September, 2010
This touched me deeply this week, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
I hope it gives you some comfort too.
K
lisa replied:
oh, i love this, too. i’ve watched it nearly a half a dozen times over the past couple of weeks. thanks for sharing it again.
3 September, 2010
and sometimes one person speaks for several. well written and sensitive.
3 September, 2010
this is totally how i feel.
thank you.
your blog is a big inspiration.
lisa replied:
that’s the point, i think, of all this. to be understood.
thank you.