this is how i spent my morning, at the beach with a group of middle school kids. they have a ritual of meeting friday mornings at sunrise to start the day with a swim, or in the winter months, a dunk. the ritual commences with hot chocolate and doughnuts and a stronger connection to one another.

10 days into my 21 day consciousness cleanse, i am feeling the call to go deeper and deeper still into the simplicity of life. to whittle, to remember, to intend. i find myself in extended periods of silence, in cautious care of the re-wiring that is taking place inside of me. i feel the experience of separation being dissolved and i am so grateful for real live moments in the company of people that i love. there have been days with (no joke) shooting star sightings, healing conversations, and longs walks up the mountain. others days it has been all i could do to summon and plea for any whisper of loving presence while riding the wave of something close to free-falling terror. i’ve been present for my children’s highs and lows, mindful of our home and our rhythm. the clearing continues and i can feel spaciousness on the horizon. but not before i go even deeper into what is unfolding within me.

for the rest of these 21 days, and most likely the remainder of december, i’ve decided that what i need is to spend limited time on the computer. it is so evident to me that this is the right thing to do. in the past, i’ve come close to this edge of transformation–of real paradigm shift and pattern dissolving–but haven’t gone all the way through it. i’ve distracted myself, thrown myself back on the wheel. not this time. my fear, of course, is that my less frequent posting might mean that i lose all of my readers, the support, and the connection. for that reason, i’ve found myself sitting at this keyboard for countless hours in a fight-or-flight state trying to create something, anything, to fill the space. and we all know that is not the place from which creativity comes. nor honesty. nor anything that is in alignment with our best selves.

so as we get even closer to the winter solstice, to the full moon, the eclipse, and my 40th birthday (still wrapping my head around the significance of all that happening on the SAME DAY), i ask that you support me in doing the deep work. to trust my silence. sometimes we just have to live the story before we can tell it. i want to be present on every level, to feel freedom, and to run wildly through this next doorway.