28 April, 2011
this morning i am made aware of more storms. places where the sky is dark and violent funnels of air are touching down and carrying safety away. i feel the pull to unease. to the unsettled and taunting what if. my head feels foggy, my body heavy and hollow at once. i am undeniably a woman today.
there is a familiar riling up in my belly. desire? wanting? knowing? agitation? more hunger? i welcome it. there will always be doubting thoughts, loving thoughts, fearful thoughts. there will always be thoughts.
there is a way of being that is beyond the seeking of relief. heart and gristle side by side. it has to do with compassion, kindness, allowance, and forgiveness. the stuff that those buddhists, saints, and yogis have known all along. i am comforted by the predictability of the process. by the understanding of turning away and turning back. i am comforted by the truth that humanity and happiness are a duality that can, indeed, coexist. and that the relationship between the two relies only on softness and embrace.
softness and embrace. even when perched like a crow on a palm in the hot desert sun, heavy and hollow, riled and hormonal, there is the possibility for softness and embrace.
As for kneeling and kissing The dust of that doorway, I will keep doing that. ~Hafiz
photo: joshua tree. april 2011.