it is not that the darkness goes away. it is only that i am learning to love the shadows and appreciate the places where i might be tempted to pull up the curve, both in my photographs and in my life. it is not that my ego doesn’t brush up against pain when i least want it to, sometimes first thing in the morning in the hall of my child’s school. only i see now the axis that is anchored to truth. the transcendent opportunity that is available with edge. i am aware of my choice, of free will, and my brilliant instinct to pull my own hand from the fire.

the game is just a game. the story is just a story. the mind just the mind.

preparing meals, folding laundry, and spending hours in the mountains– this is the stuff of rewiring, clearing, and wildly abandoning every moment that came before this one. this is what my days are full of right now, prayer in motion, and love. deep, honest, revelatory love. for my partner, my children, my community. for rebirth and redefinition. for setting the armour out on the curb to be recycled. for memory foam and high thread counts. for homemade chutney and plans to return to the uk this summer and to india this fall. for listening to my children strum and sing each night and for rain in may. for outstanding women who show me what true service is, who are willing to contract into the realms to better expand into joy. for conscious journeys and the willingness to be shattered into trust. for when the lights line up in my lens and remind me of what is often unseen, but remains steadfast all around.

for forgiveness, for perspective, for doorways to freedom found in the worthiness of embrace.

photos: monday’s walk on mountain drive. santa barbara, ca.