27 September, 2011
(in no particular order)
i am exquisitely grateful, open. the citrus candle lit, the red chai steaming, the kirtan playing on the speakers. all these things that make me who i am. scent, sight, tangible. a lover and in love.
the gang was awakened, the inner chorus of critic, shameful child, jealous competitor. i don’t remember inviting them, but they’ve had their way these past couple of weeks while my body made some extra white blood cells to deal with yet another viral insurgent. they’ve made me want to eat cake, watch horrendously unintelligent television (i won’t even tell you), and feel like there are no original thoughts in my head. nothing i have to teach. name callers, they are. fraud. less-than. unmotivated. not nice. i’m doing my best to resist them. and to embrace them.
i’m processing a beautiful shoot for adesso jewelry’s sorellina spring 2012 line. inspired by santa fe, this collection just may be my favorite yet (i say that with each one). the shoot was exhausting. a very hot day in the elements, but totally worth it. i learn with each one. this time the lesson for me is to trust the shot. go deeper. and to tune out the conversation in the background. i’m social and i love to connect. it is hard sometimes while shooting to not want to participate in the chatter, especially when there is a fabulous group of people around that i rarely get to spend time with. but i’m better when i get quiet. i can tell the shots from each look when i went in. and they are the good ones. maybe even great.
i’m wanting to get back to the mexico project. i’m working to get the hours of audio transcribed while sorting out the stories and the images. a good friend reminded me that many of the best stories (think hemingway) were written after many years of absorption. i’m okay with a month or two.
daily green juice, no coffee, no sugar, no gluten, no alcohol. that’s the current food regime. i’m going for wellness. radiance. vitality. i feel tremendously better. more clear. it is not absolute, it is intention. and there is room for pleasure when i want it.
my son is in his last year of elementary school, my daughter a sophomore in high school. they are both thriving, vibrant, sweet humans. fall comes with melancholy, promise, long shadows and new routines. we’ve glided in fairly easily this year. family dinners, especially soup nights, bring me joy.
many people i know are suffering. and simultaneously awakening. i can almost see their chests opening and their bones making blood. i witness how difficult it really is to turn compassion toward the self.
time with quality people. ending each day in my lover’s arms. waking up there. the autumn sun. persimmon season. possibility. healing. finding new muscles in my body and in my heart. rhythm. cycles. kissing goodnight. ocean views and mountain solace. time. plenty of time to cultivate happiness. now. all of it is happening now.
photo: on my not-coffee break yesterday. iphone. september 2011.