i feel blank and transitional. i mop the floor and somehow that simple act is enough for the day. that, and moments at the kitchen table, walking on the beach, being held, taking pictures with my iphone. i have the fleeting worry that i may have lost my ambition. that i won’t rally and do something great. that i may become complacent or that some subverted fear is keeping me small for the time being.

but then again, opportunity still comes, the chance to witness something profound, something beautiful. i feel myself changing. restructuring. remembering.

will the hunger return for adventure? for dusty floors and woven blankets? far-reaching connections and shattering experience?

grief is a curious and subversive animal. it tames and thunks. humility and the loss of empowerment can become confused. love trumps all of it, yet can also become nebulous and excruciating. fragile, human, real. this is what i know right now. and, strangely, it is a comforting and safe place to be. expansive, even.

i believe this is presence. wide-open, heartbreaking, loving, presence. and i wouldn’t choose to have it any other way.

photos: the latest instagram. my current meditation practice.