the hiatus was unexpected. an experiment in intuition, allowing, permitting, abolishing, indulging, colliding. still there have been moments where i find my shoulders too close to my ears, knots were the serpent is said to coil.
there is that calling to be great, global, good. to be the messenger, the liaison. to be all. and then there is the voice that asks to be let off the hook. to touch simplicity.
i don’t know where i will go. where my best service is. i don’t know. i don’t know what is next. where or how or why. i still don’t know.
what i do know that is that i will be shown in the deep fleshy places, in the hard bone that rubs. i know that i will be shown in the trespassed property and the uncertain paths. in the beauty that hurts, the sunflare and the sand. in the disappearance of self and other, in the shock of color.
i am shown in the places where i have no control. in the silence that i am making time for, the spices simmering on the stove, the warm oil on my skin. i am shown in the magnitude of my wonder, in forgotten muscles, and in the dog that gratefully walks whenever he is taken.
i am shown in the pink sky, in the holding of my hand with his, in their laughter and in my own stillness. i am shown in daily obscenity and tranquility, in sweat and sound, in breath, and in those dreams where i am still awake.