18 June, 2012
upon rising.
i am most comfortable in the true grit. in the silt and sulphur, warm and real and pungent. i am completely at ease with your blood and your tears. i feel safe in the company of those with dirt under their fingernails and secrets on their tongues. i am sensitive, raw, layered, capable, and receptive.
having been on the receiving end of painful language yesterday, it has taken hours into days to move through the impact of being spoken to harshly and with the intent to hurt. we all wind up here, in the entanglement of our emotions and our cumulative pain. it is an inevitable result of our merging stories and our humanity. we are wired to protect and to defend. and still, it is the softness, the vulnerable between the sternum and the spine, that i long to connect with–our sweetness, our common, our understanding. this is what i will mine for, even through the discomfort of an experience of being wronged, accused, and violated.
i believe in inherent goodness. in best intentions and in truth and love. i believe in forgiveness and also in protection. i do not want to run from any situation that triggers discomfort. but i also know when it is time to step back, to be quiet, to feel, and reflect. under the blanket of fog and silence this morning, i am remembering who i am.
and who i am is as vast and as small as any other. as young and as old. as sensitive and as solid. i am permeable, layered, and weighted to this earth–doing the best i can to stay present, grounded, here. and to see you, really see you, as the same.
The purpose of this journey is to find the voice of the deeper wisdom, the one not connected to the rational voice that keeps throwing up the ‘ifs’.
~marion woodman
18 June, 2012
Dear Lisa:
What a beautiful post. I loved reading every word of it. From the rawness we become polished and soft. I bless you my friend as I know you bless me too. With love,
Aparna
PS: the photos are beautiful.
lisa replied:
i bless you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, aparna. you are a true gift of beauty. much love.
18 June, 2012
gentle and raw you may be, my love.
but you have also birthed two babies from your very own ladyparts, and brought fourth hundreds more, survived and nurtured a multi-decade love affair, witnessed heart-ache and fear and joy and colour, abundance and scarcity in far away lands.
you have a spine of steel.
xxx
lisa replied:
sheesh. i love you.
18 June, 2012
Who hurt you? I am not impressed. Sending you lots of love gentle warrior sister xxx
lisa replied:
soul sister-forevah.
18 June, 2012
sending love and understanding from a place of learning to walk in this world with baby steps xo
lisa replied:
we are all learning, and i think we know less each day. xx
18 June, 2012
Having been on both ends of this spectrum- I think all of us have been at least once- I feel for you and send you healing thoughts. It sounds like you know exactly how to support yourself after the blows you were dealt- be well and be of peace.
lisa replied:
thank you. much love to you, eileen.
19 June, 2012
this has reminded me to get my toes into the water, stat. i should never need this reminder, and didn’t even know i was in such need. so thank you…
lisa replied:
i hope it has already happened, kate. xx
19 June, 2012
Motionless in the stillness of this. Beautiful.
lisa replied:
thank you beautiful pema. love having you here.
19 June, 2012
earlier this morning,i wrote this wish … ‘i want everyone in this world to breathe in a big gulp of kindness and compassion and tolerance and then move forward with the integrity of that in the base of their spines.’
your words reflect this to me always, much love. xo
lisa replied:
i love your wish.
19 June, 2012
I don’t know what I am moved more by, the post or the responses you have received. You are always teaching…love you, Mom
lisa replied:
thank you so much, mom. love you.
19 June, 2012
Too bad the one who hurtfully spoke to you did it that way. Recently i did the same thing, hurt about a situation had gone on too long without me confronting it and then when the timing was terrible I said something about it.
All it accomplished was a deeper fracture in our relationship. I wish i had approached it more gently. I’ve since apologized and so has she, but the underlying cause is still there. Hurtful words cause more damage to those who say them, though from your perspective it certainly doesnt seem that way.
Love heals, and i know that at my core but this one is much tougher to bounce back from.
Not one of my proudest moments.
I wish you speedy healing from this, I believe in the lesson or lessons (in my case) that are built into everything. So for that one thing I’m grateful. It’s already changed us, this I know.
My mother always told me to pray for those who’ve wronged you. I don’t pray much but that act of intention will be heard by the Universe I know it. Xoxox
lisa replied:
of course we all wind up here, on either end, right? i love your honesty, gillian. all is well here now. more growth. and always forgiveness, mostly for ourselves. xx
19 June, 2012
amen to this!
lisa replied:
amen!