27 August, 2012
i feel disarmed, wound, unsteady. maybe it is the longer shadows, the back to school, the slightly more caffeinated half-caff. there is that haze in the head, that overwhelm at nothing in particular, that urgency for the intangible.
i don’t know why this comes. nor why, when it does, that i feel compelled to resist it. why is it that when my body begs for sensory respite, my first thoughts are of all the ways to complicate my day? my mind invents ways to busy, creates lists of things that must be done.
it is a curious thing to unravel the habit of avoiding what is most wanted. what is most needed.
it is even more curious that the ideal of responsibility has somehow become synonymous with self-denial.
it is clear that i need more of this today: quiet. nature. nourishment.
sometimes the well empties quickly and needs to be refilled just as quickly.
again with the no apology. again with the remembering. again with the listening. again with the knowing.
As you become conscious of the different parts of your personality, you become able to experience consciously the forces within you that compete for expression, that lay claim to the single intention that will be yours at each moment, that will shape your reality. When you enter these dynamics consciously, you create for yourself the ability to choose consciously among the forces within you, to choose where and how you will focus your energy. ~Gary Zukav