8 August, 2012
i haven’t had the desire to leave for a very long time. no desperate longing for foreign and anonymous. instead, the hunger is for layers and routine. for the near and the close. for the world to come to me.
i know not to bank on any one moment’s desire to be anything more than fleeting. but i also find it interesting that i am feeling so comfortably rooted to place, to the rhythm of bed-making and breakfast.
when i chose the word EMBODY for this year, i foolishly thought that it would be mostly about my body. instead, it has been about an internal transformation–one of actually knowing ease and grace as a real experience. it has been about breaking through the glass ceiling of what i had previously determined to be my own limits. it has been about feeling, in my body, that my thoughts, emotions, questions, and dreams, are safe.
the physical transformation has now begun. i had to become comfortable, present, in what is here before i could change. i had to love every extra bit before i could let it go. i had to see the muscles beneath the flesh.
and so it is that i can start to move again. i have found my way back to yoga and to my running shoes. i will soon be packing my bags and feeling more comfortable in my clothing. i will be stronger, more vibrant, more of myself.
but only because i have been with all that is here. stayed, loved, and let go.
the curious paradox is that when i accept myself just as i am, then i can change. ~carl rogers
ps. you may notice that this site has had a little re-design. i’ve added a mailing list sign-up and i would love it if you would join (this is different than subscribing to the blog-posts). i will be sending out occasional letters with news, introductions to people in my community that i think you would like to meet, and other opportunities for us to connect. and, of course, your email will not be shared with anyone else. it’s just between you and i. much love.