Doorways Traveler
Doorways Traveler

letting go.

often now, i really do feel whole. embodied. well.
i can own the innate, the wisdom, the sacred self. i can close my eyes and feel the vast expanse and my part in it. i know that i have something to offer, to inspire and to teach. i love well and feel that love returned.

and then, like a freight train on schedule, comes the tiger chase: the anxious clench, the foreboading, the alone, the separate, the too-much, the not-enough, the hurt, the rejected, the betrayed, the uninvited, the unhealed, the un-fixable. the vulnerable and ashamed, grasping for sweetness and comfort.

and close behind the tiger are the thoughts: the ones that nag sucker-punched, left behind, misshapen, unsightly, unsophisticated, fraud, weak, addicted, powerless.

the tiger and the thoughts have historically lead me to one place: defeat and discomfort in my body and disconnected from my spirit.

i have spent much of my inner life allowing the tiger and the thoughts to render me demoralized and lost, clinging to long-ago established habits of soothing and hiding, and stuck on the wheel of purgatory. and while i don’t believe it realistic that the tiger nor the thoughts will ever completely leave, i am beginning to tentatively assert that i can finally let go of the power i have handed over to these forces. i am ready to let go of the story that says i will always be broken.

over the past couple of years, i’ve come to know the chemical imbalances in my brain and body that feed the tiger and the thoughts. i am making¬† peace with cortisol, serotonin, and progesterone. what has been difficult to believe, is that i can truly feel alive and well in the way that i long to. i have been overwhelmed by the advice and methods and treatment plans and diets and medications offered, to the point of feeling, again, defeated. today, i feel like i am tapping into my own wisdom and beginning to trust that i, alone, can discern what path to take toward restoring balance in my mind and body. more than that, i am coming to know a trust in myself , a loving and compassionate trust, for perhaps the first time in my life. while this faith in myself to be the healer of my own body is cautious and not yet fully rooted, i am hopeful and strengthened in a way that i perhaps have never been before.

i believe that i can deeply nourish and heal my body into a form that feels strong, vital, beautiful and sustainable.

i believe that i deserve to be the full expression of who i am.

i believe in and wish to fuel the fire in my belly, my heart, and at the base of my spine–connecting me to my loves, my community, my calling, my teaching, my true.


Know, oh beloved, that we were not created in jest or at random, but marvelously made for some great end.

~Al-Ghazzali


letitgo_badge

This post is part of the Let it Go Project: a collection of stories leading up to a beautiful releasing ritual, hosted by Sas Petherick on the 30th of January. All the details for this free event are here. And you can take part! Be inspired by other posts in this project, and share what you are ready to let of of on the Let it Go Project Community Page!

Categories: other

comments


  • kolleen:

    beautiful.

    <3


  • Kif:

    hello lovely lisa,

    beautiful imagery as always… helps warm me up here a bit up north!

    the tiger and the freight train… how eloquent – to name them is to know them and to know them is to tame them… I will definitely be observing my thoughts in a new way. I wish you all the best in letting go and leaning back into something larger.

    it is in the expansion that we see the limitless of love.

    xo

    (so happy that you continue to blog!)


  • Kira Elliott:

    Beautiful photographs and words. I can relate in so many ways, especially with acceptance of chemical imbalance. If only my hormones would not fluctuate so much. Thank you for the lovely post.


  • Cordelia:

    Wow. So beautiful. You have so much talent in just what you present through photos and your inspiration to be a well and happy human.

    It’s such a wild place we live in here. But I, for one, always feel soothed when I see your little pieces abound.

    I wish I had money to pay you to come and totally decorate my home. Your design sense is off the charts!


  • leonie:

    and oh, how marvellous you are…
    …how blessed i feel to call you friend.
    …how your bravery and wisdom is a beacon for me.
    …how your realness and rawness and your willingness to feel it all pull me forward into my own truths

    i love you


  • Jeanine:

    Beautiful words and images! I felt inspired to post something on Sas’s site as well. Feels good to write and release…


  • christiane ashleine:

    so happy i stopped by and landed on this beautiful transmission of words, imagery, and a flowing, open heart. i feel so blessed.
    thank you, lisa


  • Cat:

    i feel you words sister
    i feel them for me
    i feel them for my son

    i see you
    and it is beautiful

    love and light


 

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Doorways Traveler
Doorways Traveler