i know better than to attempt to attach words to an experience too soon. to generalize what is proving to be, as expected, a complex and layered experience. i know better than to water this time down;  not to rush an an attempt at understanding that asks for conscious time and many questions.

the one thing that i can tell you now is that visually, i am sated. full to brimming with beauty and expression.

a pause for joy. woman at vatsalya's health clinic for commercial sex workers. ajmer, india. 2009

i wake this morning in a pause for joy, perhaps a bit of overwhelm, and, mostly, gratitude. gratitude not the least for the support i've received over the past two weeks; the letters, the comments, the phone calls, the cards, and, of course, the money. as far as i am concerned, 96% is making it to my goal. it is enough to travel to uganda and to do the work i am setting out to do. i have received an abundance that i do not take lightly, nor do i see as my own; but rather that i am just the temporary caretaker of. the money raised is for me to show up and represent all of you in a place very few of us will actually visit. to show up and let the women there know that we care about what happens to them and to their families. that they matter. and that we want to see them, to hear their stories, and to contribute toward opening doors so that they may experience less suffering and greater freedom in their lives.

so i am pausing for this moment. to just feel it. because to slog through and not stop and let the dust settle in this whilrwind would be missing the point. i have to pause for joy. to feel the truth of what it is to receive and be grateful. and i need to prepare.

i have a stack of articles that linda cole, the director of cafwa, who i will be traveling with, has sent to me so that i may have a better understanding of the kinds of challenges that women in uganda face; what years of conflict, death and devastation, has done to displace and disadvantage. i've printed them off and will be diving in later this morning. i am triple checking my gear and will get my yellow fever shot next week. i am thinking a lot about the kinds of images i hope to capture. the "day in the life" photo essays i want to be able to share, with themes of hope and possibility, and how much we are the same. but, mostly,  i am thinking about what it means to be free.

again, i thank you. i wish there was another way to say it. those who contributed toward this project will be put on a mailing list and updated as to how every penny is spent. most is going toward air fare and the remainder toward hotel and transportation while in uganda. i do not expect you to feed me. i will keep every receipt and if, by chance, there is anything left over, it will go directly to cafwa. sound fair? and, like i said before, the intention behind what i will be bringing back to share is for the stories and images to contribute toward supporting the women and communities served by cafwa in a much greater and substantive way. this is what it is to pay it forward.

last, but not least, i have some things to give away. there were 46 contributors in total (one person chipped-in twice!). i used the list of contributors, provided by the chip-in service, that had each person numbered in the order they contributed. in the case of the person who chipped-in twice, i used the first assigned number and removed the second, which moved up the other contributors by one number. using random.org's random number generator, i entered the numbers 1-46 and ran the generator 14 times, once for each giveaway item, in the order they were listed in the original post. if a number came up twice, i ran it again. that's how it worked. any questions, feel free to ask. i videoed the process, too, and will be happy to send that to anyone who would like to confirm that the whole thing was legit!

AND…the winners are:

darrah: all of a sudden, a book of poetry and images by leonie wise

julie: original polaroid "anemonies" by susannah conway

denise:  print of original polaroid "cupcakes of happiness" by susannah conway

amy: print of original polaroid "the path" by susannah conway

lori: "unlock your dream" necklace by bellawish artist stacy de la rosa

tammy: 8×10 doorways project/lisa field-elliot image print of your choice taken on the journey to uganda

alex: "pluot love" print by leslie lindell

kathy: "dandelion love" print by leslie lindell

jen: "seafoam love" print by leslie lindell

sas: cd "sincerely" by cory sipper

faith: cd "sincerely" by cory sipper

kelly: "fuck fear" print by penny mckinley-rodgers

christianne: print of your choice from the etsy shop of julia fehrenbacher

gabriella: "soul sisters" necklace by cypress sun artist, amy friend

winners, i will notify you via email regarding shipping information. enjoy your beautiful things!

again, thank you. not just those who gave money, but to everyone who believes in what i am trying to do. we're all going to uganda to open some doors. and i am so glad to have you with me.

stay tuned…