after a week of many hours spent behind the camera, i think the term focus has taken on a whole new meaning. it has been about keeping pace with incredibly brave and talented women, finding my footing, trusting my eye, and experiencing a kind of tired i’ve never felt before.

like bone tired. the kind of tired that comes from holding space, caring deeply, and immersing.

how different it is to really want something. to throw it all in and to have to actually believe i can do it. that i am entitled to be where i am.

and how easy it is to indulge in the idea that i might blow the whole thing and be found out. that i really was a fraud all along.

so continues the unveiling of the obvious. that i am as real and entitled as i believe myself to be. that as i stand in an endless hall of mirrors, and really open my eyes to the friends and colleagues, mentors and muses that are reflected there, i know that it would be nothing short of an insult to them and to myself to reflect back anything less than what i see.

and with that: i humbly proudly share the slideshow from the first of the three photo shoots last week. the subject is a dear friend who radiates the fusion of strength and softness like no other. turn on the speakers or throw on some headphones and spend a few moments celebrating beauty and the willingness to begin.

it’s quite easy for me to trust what they see. there isn’t a lot of thinking involved. i just know when i like something they’ve captured.

but,  learning to trust what i see? even when what i see is out of focus, framed askew, soft, but with an edge? when what i see are fragments and hues and reflections? that’s another level of faith entirely.

this next week,  i have three “official” photo shoots. THREE. all with beautiful, dynamic subjects. and each, as with everything else, will (hopefully) involve the right mix of light, shadow, a steady hand (or not), some deep breaths, and, most of all, trust in what i see.

it’s the trust in what we see, the surrendering to it, that collides beauty with connection. captures the two merged, and makes it tangible.

oh man. it’s all just one crazy obvious metaphor after another, isn’t it?

sometimes i feel a little slow on the uptake.

(wish me luck?)